Old Haunts
by midnightquaffles
Summary: There was only ever one person who could talk Casey into doing what she really wanted all along. Whether or not that person is actually there is just a matter of semantics when she needs him. Oneshot.


"What do I do?" Casey whispered desperately.

Casey knew it was ridiculous to come all the way out here to talk to herself. But she wasn't talking to herself. Not really.

She could feel a slight breeze through the open window. She could almost hear his voice echoing in her ear _You're not staying home for the family. You're staying home because you're scared. _

Casey's mouth opened in shock. That's the same thing Derek told her just before their high school graduation. When she was choosing which college to go to and using the new baby as an excuse to stay close to home.

"It's not the same thing!" she cried out in a hushed tone.

_Yes it is, _the voice told her_ It's exactly the same thing. _

"I'm not scared!" she muttered unconvincingly.

Silence. She could picture him sitting next to her, cocking an eyebrow with his mouth slightly open with that _Oh, really? _lookwritten all over his face.

"I've danced in lots of different places before. This is no different," she spoke stiffly.

_Yeah it is. _

"How? How is it any different?" she asked.

_You know how_.

Casey sighed. He was right. It was different. If she took the offer to dance in New York, it wouldn't just be _dancing_. It would be a career, a new life. A new life away from her home, her family, her grief…

_Don't worry about me, Princess_.

A small, sad smile graced her lips and she whispered "I can't help it. What am I going to do without you?"

_Move on._

Tears came to her eyes. She closed them and shook her head, trying to hold back the flow of emotion she knew he hated to see.

_Like you were supposed to_.

"Supposed to?! Don't you ever talk to me about 'supposed tos.' This _wasn't_ supposed to happen!" she took a shaky breath before ending her outburst with a quiet, "You should still be here."

The parking lot behind the ice skating rink was quiet. For a moment, Casey feared that he had left her at the sight of tears falling down her face. But then she could feel a warm breeze through the window and knew he was still beside her. Closing her eyes, she could almost feel his arm circle around her shoulder like he had done so many times before, almost smell the musk of his signature leather jacket, almost hear the low voice that told her _I am still here. But you shouldn't be._

Casey leaned her head in toward the warm breeze but opened her eyes in sadness and frustration when she couldn't feel anything but air.

"I miss you," she told him.

_I know._

"And if I go away to New York, then I really will lose you."

_Now we're getting somewhere._

The corners of Casey's lips twitched upward. God, she missed this—he was the only one she could ever go to who saw through her lame excuses, provided rash yet sensible advice, and pushed her into doing what deep down she wanted all along.

"I don't think I can do it," she confessed, looking down at the two Sir John Sparrow High School class rings on her finger, one stacked above the other, with the larger one closest to her hand so it wouldn't fall off.

_Yes, yes you can. You're just scared. _

Casey nodded and admitted, "I am scared. I didn't even think I could go off to University without you, how am I supposed to handle this?"

_What? _

"I never told you…" she said quietly, still staring at the rings, "After thinking about it, I started to look forward to you going to Queen's… It's scary going off on your own. I figured it would be easier with you there."

_So we could have lived in the same residency!_

Casey let out a small laugh, "I wouldn't go that far. But it would have been fun, going to the same University."

_Fun? Casey, you don't have fun._ _You have fits of insanity_.

Casey smiled sadly, "That's why I needed you there."

_Maybe so but you'll be just fine without me_.

She shook her head in response.

"No I won't be…" She blinked back tears and her voice became shaky as she whispered, "No matter how bad or how lonely things got on campus, I knew I could always come back here and find you. If I mess up in New York, I won't have anyone to go to. I won't… I won't have _you_."

She let out a strangled sob, torn between the shame she felt of becoming so dependent on another person and the sadness of not being able to see his reaction to her confession.

All she could feel was the warm breeze encircle her once again and the large ring she twirled on her finger, desperately wishing she could feel him _more_.

_You'll always have me. _

She could sense the words he would say, but shook her head, unable to believe them.

"Not like this."

She had tried it before. Venting to pictures of him in her high school yearbook alone in her dorm room. Twirling his ring on her finger on a bad date, longing for the days when he would tell off any suitor of hers for not treating her right. But she was never able to imagine his presence as clearly as she could here, at the last place she saw him, the last place she felt him when he hugged her in celebration for making it to his biggest hockey game of the year. The game that ended his life after he took a puck to the head and refused medical treatment, insisting he could still play. But Casey tried not to think about that last part.

She focused on that warm breeze and remembering what it felt like to have him hug her, genuinely pleased that she had come to support him.

_Case, it's not supposed to be like this. _

"No, it's not. You should be here," she repeated.

_You know I'll always look out for you._

She nodded.

_But you can't just waste your life alone in a parking lot. This is something that you've always wanted to do. Go do it. _

She sighed. She knew he was right. And that if he were still alive, she would go for it without hesitation. She just didn't want to lose what little bit of him she had left.

_You won't, Case. You won't. _

But despite the sense that Derek would promise to never leave her, she felt the warm breeze fade.

Casey was alone in the dark parking lot and the air coming through the window was cool. He was gone.

He had been gone for the past three years, but to Casey he was always here.

She drove away knowing that she had a flight to New York to make in the morning and that she would be at the airport extra early, like the keener he always told her she was. And although she was still nervous about dancing in the big city, she knew in her heart that this was her dream and no one, not even Derek would keep her from it.

_Like he would want to_, Casey thought as she remembered the dance routine they performed together in high school after his antics left her without a partner. He looked out for her from the first time she made a fool of herself at school and even if Casey never traveled to that parking lot again, she knew he would still look out for her from wherever he was. No matter how lonely she may feel in New York, she could go there knowing that she was never truly alone. Not really.


End file.
